Noiseland Arcade

One of the interesting difficulties of the Simpsons is that after 20 years on the air, some of the cultural landmarks change. For example, the arcade where Bart used to fritter away a lot of his time; arcades are thin on the ground these days, now that everybody has a Playstation or XBox or whatever.

But anyway, I like the name, so here it is, the Noiseland Arcade...


My idea for this is that Noiseland is a place that opened up in the early days of videogames, shortly after the advent of the ubiquitous Pac-Man. They have never replaced or updated their signage, so Noiseland's logo is a good 30+ years out of date.

For the name "Noiseland", I hand-built my own lettering, based heavily on fonts from the Bauhaus School, particularly Blippo and Pump, with a tri-line design. The "Arcade" part is set in Braggadocio, which is a knock-of of Futura Black, another one of the Bauhaus designs.

The colors are pure '70s cheese, intended to contrast with the completely unauthorized Pac-Man logo that helps to further date the design as a relic.

It's a little sad to think that when The Simpsons premiered, this design would have only been about 10 years out of date; now it might as well be from Renaissance. Sigh. I'm old.

My First Tattoo

This one goes past pretty quickly on the show, but I liked the sound of it.

In the episode "My Sister, My Sitter" (season 8), Marge and Homer go to the grand re-opening of the Springfield Squidport and leave Lisa in charge of Bart and Maggie, with dire consequences.

Meanwhile, at the Squidport, which is one of those formerly-skeevy industrial areas that's been gentrified into a yuppie retail/entertainment complex, Mr. & Mrs. Simpson survey the new shops and restaurants, one of which is a tattoo parlor where a bunch of the Springfield children are admiring one kid's new ink.

As usual, the signage in the episode is fairly perfunctory, plain block lettering with a passing effort at a graphic. In this case, the word "First" is emblazoned on a ribbon traversing a heart, in a classic tattoo motif. I decided to go in a different direction, playing up the idea that it's a parlor specializing in young customers (which is certainly illegal just about everywhere in the US).


I decided to use a childish handwriting font (Lemonade Bold) for "My First", with bright pastel coloring, and a spiky medieval font (Ironwood) for "Tattoo". The red-to-black gradient fill and multiple outlines add a little edge of menace in keeping with the usual tattoo aesthetic.

Try 'N' Save

Try 'N' Save is the Springfield version of what used to be Pic 'N' Save, a chain of cheapo discount retailers that is today called Big Lots. Pic 'N' Save was the west coast version; in other areas, it was called "MacFrugal's" (how come nobody ever complains about the insulting ethnic stereotyping of the Scots? I bet if it were called "Frugalberg's" somebody would make a little noise...). Eventually, MacFrugal's/Pic 'N' Save merged with Odd Lots/Big Lots and now there's only one major bargain/close-out store chain. (By the way, the parent company also owns Kay-Bee Toys, so if you wait long enough, everything that goes through the toy store eventually ends up at the bargain shop. Just an FYI.)

Anyway, back to the design...

The last Pic 'N' Save logo was one of those vaguely western-looking ones, sort of like the font I used for Moe's, tall and thin with big fat slab serifs. For Try 'N' Save I went with something a little more informal and looser feeling. The Las Vegas font collection from House Industries is based on signage from classic Vegas casinos; I used Nugget, which is based on the Golden Nugget. It's a very narrow font, so I once again stretched it horizontally 250% (I really hate doing that, but sometimes it's necessary). The color is Pantone 199, a bright red that leans a little toward magenta, with a thin black keyline added to give it a little solidity.

As with Moe's, the goal is to create a slightly outdated logo, something that looks like it was done by a low-budget design outfit about 20 years ago and hasn't been freshened up in a while.

Things Unnecessary

"Things Unnecessary" is the store where Homer bought himself a $500 astrolabe in the Season 15 Christmas episode. The store is intended to be a satire of outfits like Sharper Image and Brookstone, but the name is a play on a chain store called "Things Remembered." These are stores that specialize in items for people with more dollars than sense; personalized tchotchkes, the sort of thing you might receive as a gift if you were a bridesmaid. The merchandise is all the sort of thing I call "look, I got you a gift" gifts; somewhat impersonal (in that it doesn't reflect anything at all of the recipient's tastes or preferences), almost entirely useless, but too expensive-looking to dump at the Goodwill, and since it usually has the recipient's name or initials engraved on it, it's almost impossible to re-gift. Exactly the sort of place that would stock $500 astrolabes.

The name and type of business demands a logo that has a veneer of elegance, an upscale look, with a sleek but ornamental typeface, so I started with University Roman, a somewhat swashy font with big loopy letters, a strong vertical shape, long spiky serifs, and what I would describe as a "Disney" flavor. Elegant but superficial, with something of a soulless quality.

A veneer of reflective gloss with a slightly cold metallic color, and a completely extraneous ligature of the too-precious double-s and the g, and we have an upscale logo with a vaguely tacky feeling about it.

Moe's Tavern

Moe's is another of the long-time Springfield landmarks that never really had any kind of a logo; the establishing shot of the exterior shows a purple building with green-and-orange diamond-cut stained glass windows, and (again) plain red block letters spelling out the name, "MOE'S" over the door. The words "Moe's Tavern" appear in black lettering on the side wall.

I decided that Moe's sign should probably look like it hadn't been updated in a few decades; in the mid-1970s there was an 1890s revival (along with a '20s revival and a '50s one, almost simultaneously, as nostalgia is prone to do), with a lot of businesses adopting the late-Victorian-to-Edwardian letterforms and decorative devices. In my old neighborhood there was an entire mall decorated in that style, and some people may remember Farrell's, a chain of "gay '90s" ice cream parlors. In Southern California at least, the turn of the century design also included an Old West flavor (same time period, different culture), with "western" fonts popping up here and there.

I've opted to use one of those western fonts, in this case Ponderosa, but I've tortured it. Ponderosa is an astonishingly narrow font with gigantic serifs, so I scaled it horizontally to 300% of its original proportion for enhanced legibility. Then I rotated it 10° counterclockwise (or as I prefer to think of it, widdershins) and stacked layers of keylines on it and dropped it in front of a circular element.

Colors are derived from the interior of the bar; brown from the wood, green and orange from the windows, and yellow from the customers' skin tone.

Luigi's Italian Restaurant

The character Luigi is a deliberate stereotype, derived from that piece of clip-art that appears on practically every pizza box ever delivered. As such, his restaurant is a stereotypical Italian restaurant/pizzeria, so that's where we begin.

The first thing that comes to mind when I think of Italian restaurants (apart from Lady and the Tramp eating spaghetti) is the red & white checked tablecloth. I muted it down a bit by using thin striped squares instead of solid red blocks.

Naturally, the colors should be taken from the Italian flag, but again, I muted the colors down, choosing a light pastel green.

Fonts are : A&S Graceland for Luigi's, Stempel Schneidler Black for "Italian Restaurant"' and New Berolina for the slogan.

Blood Bath & Beyond

I looked on Google's image search for Homer's favorite gun shop, but couldn't find any indication of a logo for it, which means I'm again left to my own devices rather than reworking an existing one. So of course the place to start is with the store that's being parodied here, Bed, Bath & Beyond.

The BB&B logo is pretty distinctive, so I decided I'd try to emulate it a little but not too much. I kept the stacked light and bold sans serif type and that's about it. Their logo is set in all caps, using Futura Light and Extra Bold, and they do an interesting distortion on the word "Beyond", so that each letter is horizontally distorted a little more than the previous one, giving the idea that it's stretching off into the beyond. Clever, but I chose to leave it alone.

My version is in Gill Sans, another geometric font that's a bit evocative of the Bauhaus School, heavily kerned, and set in upper- and lower-case. Bed, Bath & Beyond's corporate color is a soft blue, but for a gun store we need to be a little bolder; naturally blood red is the obvious choice, but it needs some contrast to set it off, so the "Beyond" gets to be black.

The biggest challenge with this logo was deciding whether "Blood Bath" should be one word or two. I ended up cheating a bit, making it two words but trimming down the space between words to about 1/3 of what it wanted to be.

Lionel Hutz's "I Can't Believe It's a Law Firm!"

It's actually easier to design some of these things than you might think, because the Simpsons writers come up with stuff that's so iconic it practically designs itself. As soon as you hear the name of the law office where Lionel Hutz works, you pretty much know what it ought to look like. Or at least I do.

By combining the idea of a law firm with a reference to a brand of margarine, they tell us exactly what kind of lawyer Hutz is: he's what we used to call "a mall lawyer." The most immediately familiar of those outfits is of course Jacoby & Meyers, a chain of discount lawyer franchises that sprang up in the '70s and advertised heavily on local television. So that's where I started.

As I recall, the Jacoby & Meyers logo used to be a boring arrangement set in Souvenir, which is one of those fonts you don't see too often anymore, mostly because you saw it everywhere 30 years ago. It was one of the few fonts that came standard in all the pre-computer typesetting machines, so it got used a lot. It practically smells of the '70s. They've since changed the J&M logo to the generic-but-timeless Centennial.

I've used Souvenir Demi and Bold italics, and set it on an angle to vaguely emulate the typography on the margarine label. The green and gold colors are evocative of both food packaging and '70s logo design, but completely inappropriate for a respectable law office, and the double drop-shadow is there entirely for the cheese factor.

UPDATE: The Leftorium

A helpful friend pointed out that the hand in the logo should have three fingers, not four, the same as all normal citizens of Springfield. So I fixed it.

Costington's

There seems to be a federal law requiring that department stores use lower-case sans serif type on a brown background for their signage; Macy's, JC Penney, Bloomingdale's, I'm sure there are a few others. Some stores violate the rule by using sans serif uppercase, like Robinsons/May and Nordstrom.

I figured that Costington's, the upscale store the Simpsons occasionally venture into, would probably follow the fashion, so my version of their logo uses Kabel Light, an inoffensive beige background, and a faceted diamond replacing the dot on the i.

The Leftorium

I decided to do a logo for The Leftorium next because (a) it didn't really have one and (b) I'm left-handed.
One of my personal failings is difficulty remembering left from right. Partly because I'm right-eyed, so my brain is cross-wired, and partly because as a lefty I'm in the habit of automatically reversing anything I'm shown, so in my mind, left is right (and right is wrong). In order to get it right when I want left, I've developed the habit of looking at my hands to check directions. When thumb and forefinger are extended, the left hand makes an L. So that's the symbol I chose for my logo design.

The rest of the type was set in a rounded font to imitate the rounded fingertips. I used a font called Folks Heavy for that, because I liked the combination of rounded and squared-off edges.

I kept the orange color used on the sign in the episodes where the store has been shown, but decided to dump the wordy and dull descriptive line, "Everything for the Left-Handed Man, Woman and Child," substituting the shorter and mildly-punny "All That's Left."